Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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