So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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