also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
