Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i dont even know how to be here
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
