Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
