the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
