I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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