Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
