I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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