He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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