gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
