The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"