Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave