we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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