Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house