i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it