Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...