My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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