last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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