wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
