you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
