yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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