is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
