she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
