The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
