You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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