Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
