also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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