if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
