Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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