whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
