My room smells like vodka and shame
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
