woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
