You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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