Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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