So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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