i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
