were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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