I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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