And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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