i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
