Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
