Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
