hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
