Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
