...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
