I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize