Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
