the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
