i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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