I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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