I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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