Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
