Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
