If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
