i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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