Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
