If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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