sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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