yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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