So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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