I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.