...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
