this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
