A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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