like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
