i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
