I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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