I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
