the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We smell like vodka and hangover
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