Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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