I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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