the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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