remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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