birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
