I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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