My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
