I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
